If you’re feeling discouraged, hopeless, and ready to give up, this is for you.
Forging your path in life or navigating the transition of significant changes can be very confusing, and even more so when you’re single. It’s hard to do without a rock at home rooting for you.
Or you might be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t feel like a rock, or support you in the way you need. You might even feel more alone in your partnership, which is a particular sort of disappointment.
Regardless, whether you’re on the precipice of change, or squarely in the middle of it; I see you.
I’ve made a lot of changes in life, and I’ve spent a good portion of it in transition. A lot of my transitions have involved moving.
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A move to Panama at 30 to start a hostel for motorcycle travelers.
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A move to Montreal, Canada at 35 to pursue a masters in Sexology (didn’t get in, moved anyway).
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And more recently, a move to LA at 42 to pitch a podcast re-release (stay tuned) and a TV project.
I did all of these on my own. No rock to support me, no one in my corner saying, “you got this bud.” Just me and for the last 11 years, my dog Roger.
Throughout all this change, I’ve felt some intense ‘dark nights of the soul’ where I questioned every decision I’ve ever made. I wondered if the latest move was a mistake. And then I remembered something I learned early on: there are no mistakes in god’s world. (I use the word god pretty loosely. Notice the lower case g.)
And ultimately I’ve found this to be true. No matter how many times I questioned a recent transition, in hindsight and with the benefit of some perspective, I always found it to have been exactly what I needed in that moment.
And I learned to trust. The process. The moment. The universe.
If you’re finding yourself in one of these dark nights of the soul moment where it’s hard to trust, hard to see a way out, and everything feels hopeless, I hope this post helps.
Because I’d like to give you a pep talk.
Something opened up for me these past couple of weeks and I’m feeling more buoyed than normal. I’m feeling more hopeful about life, and love. And I want to share some of that optimism with you.
I have some to spare. And that’s what we do when our cup is full (or nearly full). We help others.
If you usually take the road less traveled or the long way around, this is for you.
If you’re self-employed and giving your work life a go on your own or in a non-traditional way, you’re welcome here.
If you’re looking for love in your forties, fifties, or later, read on.
If you’re always rocking the boat, used to be called the black sheep, or feeling lost as you navigate the fog of a big life transition, you’ll want to stick around.
It might feel that way, especially when you compare your life to everyone else on social media. People online rarely show you the struggle, so please avoid comparing the reality of your life to the fantasy of others.
Or, as they say in AA,
don’t compare your insides to someone else’s outsides.
It can feel like everyone else has it figured out: the career, the relationship, the home life, and a five-year plan all mapped out. However, the truth is that there is no definitive timeline for a meaningful life.
Your path is unfolding exactly as it should, even when (or especially when) it feels messy and uncertain.
We need people who think differently, who question the status quo, and who forge their path, no matter how scary, challenging, or uncertain.
It takes guts to want something different in your life, not know exactly how to achieve it, but to give it a shot anyway.
Throw spaghetti at the wall until something sticks. And if it’s not sticking, keep throwing. Something is bound to give you the next clue you need to move forward.
This is what trusting the process means. To keep plugging away until you start to see a path forward.
Whether you’re launching a business in your forties, dating again after divorce, or going back to school, you’re not a beginner.
You’re bringing decades of wisdom, experience, and hard-won insights to whatever comes next.
Every “failure” is data on how to move forward.
Every “mistake” was an experience that helped you gain the wisdom you have.
Every detour taught you something about who you are and what you want.
This is life. Life is starting over, again and again and again.
Liminal spaces are the most challenging to navigate.
There’s so much confusion after you’ve left something that is no longer for you, but before you’ve found the next thing. And confusion can be so scary and painful.
Whether it’s a relationship, a job, the death of a loved one, or a new home, the spaces in between are the hardest to navigate.
