“Nothing needs to happen.”
My friend and podcast cohost John Kim (The Angry Therapist) said this to me recently on an episode of We Can Do Better, and it’s been rattling around in my head ever since.
Because here’s the thing: I’m an optimizer. I picked it up from my dad, who worked relentlessly to build the life he had. But in hindsight, I’m not sure all that striving made him any happier. He passed at 65. Much too soon to fully enjoy the fruits of his labor.
The problem with being an optimizer is that I’m rarely satisfied with what I have. I suffer from crippling FOMO. It makes it hard to stay present because I’m always wondering, “Can I do better here?” More money, a better partner, cooler plans, a better body. Does the pursuit of more ever end?
My sponsor in AA used to say,
“If what I already have isn’t enough, what makes me think that more will be any better?”
And that hits hard for me.
Lately, I’ve been struggling with motivation for work that once energized me. I’ve always loved talking about sex, love, romance, relationships—it never got old. I’m deeply invested in all matters of the heart. But these days, I’m having a hard time finding the strength and motivation.
Which has me wondering: if I’m lacking motivation, should I be doing something else? Or is there just a natural ebb and flow to our energy? Are we all just burned out by life—stretched thin by social obligations, skyrocketing costs, the 24-hour news cycle, and having all information available on the tiny screen glued to our hands?
I went on a date a few months ago with what I’d call a left-of-left anarchist hot hippy single mom. We got talking about purpose because I’ve been wrestling with what I’m “meant to do” on this earth. I told her I sometimes wonder if having kids would give me the purpose I’m desperately searching for.
