Someone asked me recently, “What’s something that you crave that you rarely say out loud?”
I was answering sexy Q&A on IG, so perhaps they wanted me to share a fantasy of mine, but what came up instead was something that I’ve been truly craving for a long time, but that I would rarely admit to myself, let alone thousands of you.
“To be seen, love, adored, and worshipped by a woman. My special woman.”
By “special woman,” I mean to distinguish it from the love and adoration I might receive from friends or family, both of which are vital, but aren’t quite the same as a romantic connection that you pour yourself into.
And of course, I’m looking for reciprocity. What’s the point of being adored if you can’t adore the person back?
I’m sure narcissists benefit and may even require this kind of arrangement, and fellow followers have accused me of being a narcissist before. My therapist says I’m not a narcissist, despite what the internet thinks.
I do, however, struggle with these dynamics:
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a disorganized attachment style (the spiciest of styles)
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loneliness and touch-starvation (skin hunger)
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a childhood that lacked emotional warmth (emotionally immature parents)
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drug addiction and alcoholism (my solution to everything on this list)
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difficulty sitting with disappointment, grief, and sadness (never learned how until now)
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fear of disappointing others (people pleasing)
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intense fomo (resistance to grieving potential)
And, despite all these challenges, I deeply desire mutual adoration and worship.
And, judging by your responses, so do you. I received hundreds of DMs and comments from people, primarily women, saying they also wanted this.
And a few thanked me for being a man vulnerable and honest enough to voice this desire out loud.
You rarely hear men admit they want to be seen and loved – not from ego, but from a tender heart that yearns.
Thank you for saying this out loud ❤️
I feeeeeeel that, but a man for me, please.
Yessss I want this for you and me and everyone 👏
Beautiful! To be seen, loved, and adored ❤️ YES! And seen and celebrated in our magical vulnerability and awesomeness! 🔥🔥
I recorded this from your story yesterday. Truth. Saying the quiet parts out loud!! ❤️
It’s hard to own this desire because it doesn’t seem appropriate to publicly admit that you want someone to worship and adore you. It’s giving narcissism, for sure.
But if you peek under the surface, you’d likely find a lot of little inner children who are reaching out for a special kind of love they never received from their parents and caretakers. And they’re hoping to find it in another adult through a special romantic relationship.
Perhaps I’m projecting, but that’s where my desire originates.
And we’re also fed Hollywood and Disney rom-com fairy tale love stories that actually mimic and reinforce this desire to be seen, loved, and adored by that one special person. That love at first sight, one in a million chance encounters, needle in a haystack kind of love. Since we’re aware of these traps, we tend to shy away from being truly honest about our desire to be adored.
But, Disney be damned, it’s still what I want. And I’m going to name it.
Recently, my therapist said that she’s noticing I’m often the one doing most of the initiating with the women I’m dating. I reach out, I make the plans, I pursue. And while this is happening, I’m not aware that their interest in me might be less than mine in them.
And it’s tough, because the cultural and social expectations are that men should do most of the courting, leading, and pursuing. And even though I tell my followers to throw those expectations away, I still can’t help but abide by them most of the time.
But, she’s right. I over-pursue. Mostly because deep down, a little boy is yearning for love, and often, yearning for it from women who aren’t entirely available.
