- Delusional men who expect women to be agreeable usually find these phrases rude:
- 1. ‘No, thank you’
- 2. ‘I’m speaking’
- 3. ‘I deserve more money for my work’
- 4. ‘Thanks, but I don’t need your help’
- 5. ‘I’m the most qualified person to handle this’
- 6. ‘That’s not right’
- 7. ‘I need you to do this’
- 8. ‘Be a man’
- 9. ‘I don’t appreciate being spoken to like that’
- 10. ‘It’s just a joke’
- 11. ‘You’re so dramatic’
Most women can relate to the feeling of being in what seems like a pleasant enough conversation with a man, only to be told that what she thought was an innocent statement came off to him as almost unforgivably rude. They may be engaged in an important discussion at work or a passionate conversation with their partner when they’re blindsided to find themselves being snapped at for something they casually said. This is because, while men may not even be conscious of how delusional they’re being, there are several specific phrases they typically only think are rude when a woman is the person saying them.
Delusional men who expect women to be agreeable usually find these phrases rude:
1. ‘No, thank you’
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While many people, regardless of gender, are susceptible to adopting people-pleasing behaviors as a result of childhood trauma or toxic relationships, society places pressure on women to people-please from a very young age. According to mental health experts at the Connolly Counseling Center, this pressure can manifest in many ways, but much of it is rooted in gender norms that encourage women to be pleasant and agreeable, both to appease men and to protect themselves.
Of course, everyone should feel comfortable saying “no” to set boundaries and protect their own well-being, but women are often characterized as rude or entitled when they do so, especially when compared to men, who are collectively celebrated for setting boundaries.
2. ‘I’m speaking’
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It’s no surprise that gendered double standards shape perceptions of rudeness, and studies like one by Stanford University researchers confirm that disproportionate reactions can be subtle and show up in everyday situations. The researchers found that men who interrupted others were deemed assertive, while women who made similar interruptions were labeled “rude, less friendly, and less intelligent.”
Combating these double standards may seem overwhelming, but women can help change this dynamic. BBC correspondent Lucy Kellaway argues that “men should not be made to interrupt less; women should be made to do it more.”
3. ‘I deserve more money for my work’
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According to research studies on employee salary negotiations, women are much less likely to negotiate their pay with a potential employer or even ask for a raise in an existing job compared to men — not because they’re complicit in still-existing pay gaps, but because they’re perceived as rude, unlikeable, and “difficult to work with” for doing so, compared to men, who are deemed “tough and competent.”
Like any of the other phrases men only think are rude when a woman says them, this one is rooted in the toxic belief that women are inherently inferior and should behave in a quiet, more submissive way to make space for male dominance.
4. ‘Thanks, but I don’t need your help’
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A study from the Journal of Management Development found that intelligence in women often manifests as assertiveness and confidence: two traits that are incredibly uncomfortable for men driven by stereotypical gender norms. Coming from a competent woman, a phrase like this one can quickly be deemed rude by a delusional man.
5. ‘I’m the most qualified person to handle this’
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While it’s inevitable that many women will be more qualified than their male peers in certain instances, this is one of the phrases men only think is rude when a woman says it. Of course, the key to ensuring women aren’t immediately demonized in traditional institutions like the workplace isn’t to adopt a sweet, agreeable approach. According to philanthropist and former Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg, it’s to frame their assertiveness as passion intended to support and help others. Sandberg suggests that if we can’t collectively unlearn the patriarchal construct and gender norms we’re living with, women have no choice but to use them to their advantage.
6. ‘That’s not right’
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According to a 2008 study published in the journal Psychological Science, men who express anger experience a boost in perceived status, compared to women who are perceived as having lower competence. Even in the workplace, this study suggests that assertive women who use the same phrases as their male colleagues receive lower wages for expressing their opinions and calling out ignorance when they see it.
It’s a lose-lose situation for many women. When they speak up for themselves or forgo asking male colleagues for help, they’re deemed rude, but when they don’t, they’re only feeding into the social norms and constructs that keep them in subordinate positions.
7. ‘I need you to do this’
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A survey from the Center for Creative Leadership suggests that women are much more likely to be labeled “bossy” in the workplace, even when they exhibit similar, if not identical, behaviors to men in the same positions. When respondents evaluated these behaviors without the term “bossy,” the survey also found that men were more likely to engage in behaviors they deemed rude or overbearing in female leadership roles.
Like many other phrases men think are rude when a woman says them, simply asking someone to complete a task or be productive can lead men to believe a woman is inherently rude, when in reality, she’s just doing her job.
8. ‘Be a man’
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While the phrase “be a man” has its own toxic roots, encouraging men to feed into toxic masculinity ideals that lack vulnerability and emotional intelligence, it’s often perceived as less aggressive when it comes from male peers than when it comes from the women in a man’s life. Despite being misguided, the dichotomy between how men using this phrase are viewed vs. women doing the same illuminates gendered double standards, allowing men to protect their misguided hyper-masculine identity by labeling women as ignorant.
9. ‘I don’t appreciate being spoken to like that’
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Women who stand their ground and confidently speak up against disrespect are often deemed difficult for simply setting boundaries and refusing to tolerate inconsiderate people. Young girls often learn to over-apologize and people-please from a young age, whether it’s through what their parents modeled in their relationship or toxic relationships they have with men early in adulthood.
Realizing that women are taught how to behave in the context of men fuels many empowered women to de-center men in their lives today. No, this isn’t a misandrist movement or a man-hating sentiment. It’s simply one that encourages women to behave with their best interests in mind, rather than subtly appeasing the patriarchy.
10. ‘It’s just a joke’
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The same phrase that many men rely on to gaslight the women in their lives is one of the phrases men only think are rude when a woman says them. When they’re offended by a joke and their male friends or colleagues use this phrase, they’re less likely to hold a grudge, but when a woman uses it, she’s thought of as unattractive.
11. ‘You’re so dramatic’
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It’s important to recognize that many of the phrases men only think are rude when a woman says them are not necessarily healthy to use in everyday conversation, but they’re still important to acknowledge as a symptom of gendered double standards. When the script is flipped, and men are forced to confront the same insults and assumptions they perpetuate onto women, it can feel uncomfortable and lead to a defensive approach.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies, focusing on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
