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Even for middle-class married couples, the current economy is becoming impossibly difficult to navigate.\u00a0So, what does that mean for single parents?\u00a0<\/p>\n
One single mother, previously known as @my_secrets_untold on TikTok, shared exactly what the struggle looks like for her.\u00a0<\/p>\n
She described letting her husband make every decision early in their marriage and having no voice in it. After making the empowered decision to leave her abusive husband, she embarked on a new individual journey,\u00a0one that turned sour without the financial security of marriage and the consequences of\u00a0a system designed to let single mothers fall through the cracks.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n
This single mom admitted she has no money saved for retirement and is currently living \u2018paycheck to paycheck\u2019 to provide for her kids<\/h2>\n
\u201cI am 41 years old, and I have no savings for retirement,\u201d she said. She went on to describe spending the past decade or so as a broke single mom, at times living on food stamps.<\/p>\n
Without the security of her husband\u2019s income from the military, this mom had to find a way to make money to pay child support, find a new home, and start her life over as a single mother. Not only was she still navigating a difficult co-parenting situation, but she was finding it shockingly difficult to survive\u00a0\u2014\u00a0to buy food, pay rent, and\u00a0make ends meet.\u00a0<\/p>\n
It\u2019s impossible to ignore the terrifying reality this mother was facing. Even after getting a college degree and following the \u201ctraditional path of life\u201d advertised to her as a young woman, she was barely getting by.<\/p>\n
RELATED: The ‘Magic Number’ People Think They Need To Retire Vs. How Much The Average Worker Actually Has Saved<\/strong><\/p>\nBefore her divorce,\u00a0this woman said she was a \u2018tradwife\u2019 \u2014\u00a0\u2018it\u2019s great, if you pick the right partner\u2019\u00a0<\/h3>\n
\u201cI was 19 years old when I got pregnant. When our daughter was a week old, we just eloped at the courthouse,\u201d she explained. \u201cMy job was to be a wife and a mom. I wasn\u2019t supposed to have any time or any thoughts about doing anything other than [that].\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\n
It\u2019s a reality that many single mothers are forced to unlearn as they age.\u00a0They\u2019re more than just mothers and wives; they\u2019re also individuals. In an abusive or controlling marriage, it can be difficult to separate those identities.<\/p>\n
Oftentimes, abusive partners\u00a0strip their partner\u2019s identity from them as a means of entrapment\u00a0to evoke fear and keep them in the home. So, while some find stay-at-home mothering to be incredibly convenient in their partnerships, others fall victim to a toxic dynamic.\u00a0<\/p>\n
\u201cI don\u2019t regret my choice to have my children,\u201d she continued, \u201cHowever, I do regret my decision in who I picked to be their dad and my ex-husband. I had very low self-worth and self-esteem. I thought I was only good at being a wife and mom.\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\n
Following her decision to separate from her ex-husband, her lack of confidence and identity made it that much harder to set up a life for herself \u2014\u00a0to find a job, settle into a new home, and meet new, healthy people.\u00a0<\/p>\n
But let\u2019s get one thing straight: it wasn\u2019t just her partner\u2019s manipulation and abuse that kept this single mom from achieving financial stability.\u00a0The entire system is unabashedly unfair and inequitable.<\/p>\n
RELATED: Daughter Calls Her Single Mom \u2018Selfish\u2019 For Not Using Her Retirement Savings To Buy Her A House<\/strong><\/p>\nWith student loans and credit card debt, she\u2019s finding it impossible to save money each month<\/h3>\n
Many single moms who were previously homemakers lack the job experience to pursue high-paying jobs, especially ones that provide the flexibility parents need to care for their children. Her college degree has been practically useless, along with the gap in her resume, making it impossible to find a suitable job, she says.<\/p>\n
Despite finding a job eventually, it\u2019s only allowed her to make minimum payments on her debt, pay child support, and afford the bare essentials. Money for retirement or savings is non-existent.<\/p>\n
Some months, this single mother uses food stamps for groceries because her monthly income doesn\u2019t always cover her necessary expenses. However,\u00a0the process, application, and unfair regulations on food assistance programs make the help sparse.\u00a0<\/p>\n
Many former tradwives\u00a0struggle with financial stability following divorce<\/h3>\n
Like many other single moms, who were previously tradwives\u00a0or stay-at-home mothers, this woman is finding it impossible to reach financial stability and security. Retirement accounts are one of the biggest reasons why.\u00a0<\/p>\n
Money that goes into a 401(k) during a marriage is generally considered marital property, and because of this, the stay-at-home spouse has a legitimate claim to a portion of it. This claim, however, doesn’t transfer on its own. For example, in the case of an employer retirement plan, splitting requires a court order known as a qualified domestic relations order.\u00a0<\/p>\n
As the Pension Rights Center points out, retirement benefits are among the most commonly overlooked assets during a divorce. Why? Well, in part, it’s because the process is exhausting and most want the whole divorce over and done with quickly. The other part of it is that, depending on your age, retirement can be decades away, making it something that usually doesn’t get mentioned.\u00a0<\/p>\n
All of which is why stay-at-home parents should be urged to build financial standing that doesn’t depend on their partner. What does this look like? This could be keeping a credit card or bank account in your own name or, at minimum, knowing what’s actually in your household’s accounts.<\/p>\n
None of this preparation means you’re actively planning to leave, either \u2014 it’s just a way to make sure you’re still standing if you ever have to.\u00a0<\/p>\n
RELATED: ‘I’m An Only Child Of Boomer Parents Who Never Saved For Retirement, And Now It All Falls On Me’<\/strong><\/p>\nZayda Slabbekoorn<\/em> is a staff writer with a bachelor\u2019s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.<\/em>\u00a0<\/p>\nRelated Stories From YourTango:<\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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